poisonous pancakes and criticism

23 Jun

Okay so I spent all day yesterday battling some type of stomach bug, it was either due to a virus I picked up from the kids or my pancakes. I would love to blame the kids since they are sick at the moment, but I think I’m going to have to go with the real culprit….my pancakes!

I didn’t realize one could screw up pancakes when all they had to do was add water, but that is me folks….apparently I lack culinary skills!

I will admit that my cooking ability has greatly improved since the start of my weight loss journey (minus this recent bout of food poisoning!). I use to always do frozen meals, take out, or stopping by my parents house to get leftovers! Since none of those options are very healthy when I made the decision to actively try to lose weight I knew I had to learn to cook. I’ve learned the basics and no longer will I starve living in a country that lacks fast food, frozen meals, and my mama! However, I am the person who makes soup that tastes like water, can screw up an omelet, and apparently makes poisonous pancakes! I still have a long way to go, but I think I will get there!

I read this article that led me to do some reflecting. I am byfar my worst critic, and I am guilty of being critical of others. I was once told that sarcasm is one of my best traits…..That’s not a good thing people!

I worked in a prison (bet you didn’t know that!) and I was probably the most hated officer because the offenders thought I looked down on them because of how sarcastic I was. That wasn’t the case, in reality I don’t think I am better then anyone and I did not feel I was above these people that in the majority had just made a mistake in their lives. But my attitude was not something to be desired. During my life I went from being this carefree young girl, to this guarded adult. I put up walls and developed sarcasm and criticism as defense mechanisms. I wasn’t going to be weak and in my mind I had to be this harsh person to avoid being criticized. I think that I have become more open recently and hope that on the outside people can see the changes, I don’t want to be critical of others.

I’m often guilty of being my own worst critic. I see weight loss stories and compare them to my own. I wonder why I haven’t lost weight as quickly as they did, I wonder why I can’t stay on plan 100% of the time, I compare myself to people and then start with the negative self talk. When I go up a few pounds I automatically think that I will be back at 286 overnight. In reality I need to lay off. I wouldn’t take this talk from someone else so why do I feel it is okay to talk to myself like that?

After much reflecting this past week and trying to have more positive self talk, I’ve realized that I need to except myself and realize that I am human (for a type A perfectionist this is hard!). I have come to realize that I am not going to be back up at 286 ever! I am aware when I gain weight and I don’t give up, so what if the scale occasionally goes up? I know that it won’t be up for long. My weight loss is longer then a lot of peoples, but I’ve experienced a lot more progress then most. I haven’t given up when things get tough, I have changed so much of my bad eating behaviors, I am getting healthy. There are so many good things that I am doing with my life opposed to the bad!

I have managed to lose the weight I previously gained. I am back at 219. It has been a lot less stressful these few days eating without calorie counting. I am more aware of what I’m eating and am not hungry all the time with calorie counting. So I plan to stick with my way because it is all about being on a program you can maintain on!

Are you your own worst critic? How do you stop the negative self talk and embrace your journey?


One Response to “poisonous pancakes and criticism”

  1. Roxie June 23, 2010 at 3:12 pm #

    I do the same thing honestly. I constantly wonder why it seems to be so much easier for everyone else to lose weight. We ARE our own worst critics. It stinks. I just have to remember that it doesn't matter how fast it happens or who does it faster. What matters is that this is a lifestyle change that I am embracing and I WILL lose weight. Period. I really hope you feel better, bug or not, being sick stinks!

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