Friendship—A story with raw emotion

24 Mar

I will never call anyone out on my blog, because I think it is tacky. However, I will explain how I feel without naming names. If you follow my blog at all you know I recently moved back to the U.S. from abroad. While I had ups and down there I knew who I was and I knew what I was getting into. I made some really good friends, and a lot of acquaintances. The thing about friendships abroad is that you know it is going to end with 99% of them as soon as you move. Luckily there are two friends of mine  with whom I have developed a real friendship and speak to them frequently, even with the distance.

What I didn’t realize was how much of a mess my friendships are domestically. A lot of my friendships have deteriorated over the years because I have lived abroad and out of state for most of my adult life. I will not lie, it is hard to realize that distance can ruin friendships. I am also disappointed that with the ease of networking due to technology that my friends didn’t make the effort to still be my friend. Shouldn’t it be easier in today’s society to keep in touch with a friend who lives abroad?!

This weekend I came to the conclusion that I am lonely. I look back on my life with the regret that I don’t have many if any close friends. I have people that want to get together when they have nothing going on, I have friends that always are too busy, and I have friends that plain right refuse to do anything. I literally broke down in tears in my car on Saturday when my calls, texts, and facebook messages were unreturned from my friends. I hate that people do not take the initiative to call and invite me out to do something. I desperately wanted someone to go to Charlotte with me last weekend for the NCAA tournament. I was willing to pay, yet none of my friends could go and support me. I understand that some of my friends work, however the problem I have is the ones who do nothing and yet wouldn’t go just because they didn’t like basketball. I have done countless things I didn’t want to do in my life for my friends, yet I do it without question because they asked. I spend countless hours on the phone listening to stories of dating drama and parental issues like I am Oprah, yet when I want to talk no one wants to hear it.

I feel helpless in my life. I am stuck with people surrounding me that do not care about me. I have cut a lot of people out of my life that were bringing me down. People that were blatantly my friend because they wanted something or that were very negative. I often question if my current friends I am friends with because we have a connection or if I am friends with them because we have been friends for so long. Maybe I am wrong in thinking that friendship should be a two way street.

I would venture to say I am depressed with the friendship situation I am in. No one wants to be lonely and friendless. I feel that I am. It really hurts. I am at the point in my life where I do not know how to make new friends living in a small town where there are few social events or organizations to get involved in. Unfortunately this situation makes me question who I am as a person. It makes me dwell on the fact that I am alone and maybe it has more to do with me than anything.

I know that this post is clearly off topic for my blog but it is something that I felt I needed to share because it is a major situation that I am going through.

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4 Responses to “Friendship—A story with raw emotion”

  1. JenniLeeAnn March 24, 2011 at 2:32 am #

    I could have written this post myself. I just moved back to my hometown after 13 years away, although I was only 350 miles away. It is very hard. I have one best friend who is too busy, one best friend who only wants to do what she wants and does not compromise, and one best friend who just moved to AU. Meanwhile, I left my “adult” best friend 350 miles away. I still talk to her almost daily, more than the others. The other friends are all from my childhood. I am trying to establish my life here in the hopes that everything will come around. But it is very hard, and I totally understand where you are coming from.

  2. Stephanie March 24, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    I’m really sorry to read this. It’s really hard to make and keep friends as an adult as it is, but your situation (living across the world!) seems to magnify the issue. I don’t know how close you were with your friends before, but maybe in this case they weren’t that great of friends in the first place?

    I hope that things get better for you. I haven’t commented here before, but that post just tugged at my heart strings.

  3. krisgetshealthy March 26, 2011 at 12:38 am #

    I can empathise with your situation. I struggle/struggled to make friends most of my life. My best friend (Trista… if you are out there lol) moved away in second grade, and I was never the same.
    Anyway, I moved away from my hometown where I had very very few friends when I was about 19 or 20, to a place about 115 miles away, I made a few friends, but not many. We did movies, dinner, but that was it… years passed I moved again this time about 1000 miles from that move… and here I knew… 1 person. This is where I live now. I have been os slow to make friends here, and recently… as in the last year I have started to pull in new friends, people who enjoy doing the things I like to do because… I do them anyway.

    It is a hard road to make friends as an adult, it is a hard road to change your life around. It is hard as you grow to star friends with the same people you were friends with before… why…
    because mediocrity breeds complacency, and Complacency is not happiness, and we want happiness in our lives. Think about a hill for a moment, with water on the edge, now if you are standing halfway down the hill, only the people that are halfway down or lower are going to be able to climb up and grab you to pull you in right? You need to get higher up to get more people into your life!
    so Climb! Run reach for the top of that hill… being on top means you have more choices!

    You will find friends! Just keep doing the things that interest you, take a class at the gym that you like, and keep going, then talk to the people that are in the class! Like sports? start going to games, or to a local sports bar for their events!

    You can do it!!!! I have faith in you, you have an amazing spirit you have the whole world open to you!
    😀

  4. Sparkling Mimi March 26, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    I have felt the same as you many times in my life. One of my oldest friends lives just 5 minutes away from me and yet we see very little of each other. Her life is moving in one direction and mine in another. I’ve learned over the past 30 some odd years we’ve been friends that our friendship is cyclical. We eventually come back around to each other and it’s as if no time has past.

    I have had many friends who are only friends of convenience. That is when it’s convenient for them and I wish I new why it is that these people can’t seem to see beyond there own agenda. You’ll find that people will come and go in your life but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. On the contrary…It would be because there is everything right with you.

    These friends are not moving away from you…you’re moving away from them. You have grown in ways they can’t comprehend. You go to school, have traveled all over Europe and lived on your own in a foreign country. Wow that’s truly exciting. I bet that many of them are still doing the same things they did before you left. It’s not that you’re bad or they’re bad it’s that you’re moving in different directions. You’re growing and evolving at a pace that has, quite honestly, left them in the dust. You’re a kind and loving person and you will begin to meet people with similar interests who are more mature and see friendship as a two way street. Some of these people will stay in your life and some will move on and some will move on for awhile and then come back into your life. Dr. Seuss said “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Take with you the good things these relationships have offered you and keep moving forward. Life is full of surprises. And I just know it has some wonderful things planned for you and you’ll have a lot of friends there to share it all with.

    God Bless…Mimi

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